Change

Change scares me. I don't like it and I don't take to it easily and I don't know exactly why but I feel like I have to figure it out. Just changing the layout of this blog sent me into a spiral and then I told myself I could always change it back if I don't like it. Maybe that's part of why I don't like some kinds of change: once you do it, you can't go back. And sometimes you never know if you can go back when you have to make your original decision. So how do I apply this to myself as a poet and a writer? One thing I know for sure that I have to change is my reluctance and resistance to revision. I know--at least I believe--that some of my writing could be made even better were I to just take the time to change some things. Why I don't do it must be pure laziness. I can't come up with any other answer. Another thing I need to change is my sense that I'm not gifted in the business aspect of selling my writing. Yesterday, I wished I could get an agent to just go through everything I have and then tell me what to do but I know I'm not near ready for that. Well, how upsetting to be 47 and not near ready for an agent. I think I have to change the age perception too. I always tell my friends that you're never too old to make changes and to seize opportunities. I think this is a case of needing to take my own advice. Now, that would be a real change!