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Friday, January 21, 2011

Beauty Everywhere

Beauty is everywhere depending of course on your own definition of what beauty means. I think it's hearing the sound and echoes of love in a mother's voice as she tears up listening to her son's tale of finding the woman he wants to marry. It's about seeing someone you love asleep, their eyebrows perfectly shaped and unmoving, their closed eyes transluscent against the dim light. Lamplit photographs are beauty. So are homemade cookies. So much beauty everywhere.....let's celebrate beauty every single day of 2011. I'm going to.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

expectations and disappointment

everyone struggles with this, I think--the feeling of disappointment when expectations aren't met. so why do we even bother having expectations? I expected a lot from being a mother and I didn't get what I wanted; I expected a lot out of a new relationship I'm in and I haven't really been happy. I am one of those kinds of women who will live on and on with disappointment; it colors my every action. my every thought. Because i have been disappointed a lot. some would say my expectations have always been too high. i beg to disagree. I just think that everyone should do what I want them to do and things would be great. My daughter would be an award winning cross country runner about to get a full ride scholarship to college; she would do the dishes without ever being asked; she wouldn't defy her curfews and every other rule or boundary I set up for her. she would ask me how my day was instead of hibernating in her room. But disappoinment is really a waste of time. So I guess I'll just shut up and live with it.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

endings and changes

every part of life has changes and endings and some people adjust better than others. i don't happen to like changes and endings. I get down in the dumps. I analyze until it makes me sick. i feel helpless and hopeless.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

jumbles of thoughts

yard sales i like and mean people i do not like.
cats i like and dogs i can put up with.
i like the way the sun casts light across the turqouise carpet
i like to watch people sleep
coffee tastes bitter but good
the car needs an oil change
some people like to dress up in clown clothes
my boyfriend eats ice cream for breakfast
rivers thrill me
i like roller coasters in the evening when its sprinkling hail
the sky is bluer than my daughter's eyes
but all in all
a poem is the greatest invention ever

a new belt, some potatoes, and the sun

i want to write a bunch of details about how my Tuesday has been going but there are so many i am temporarily overwhelmed!!!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Broken hearts

A broken heart is contagious. Because if I have a broken heart, then it passes on to my daughter through my erratic and depressed behavior, my inconsistency, my inability to fully function. Now I have a broken-hearted, down-spirited seventeen year old to help. I am trying.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

What to do with a Daughter

What do you do when you realize you and your daughter get along as badly as you and your Mom do? that's a big reality to face. it hurts. i see it every day with my seventeen year old. Every day i know what I face as she turns eighteen: she will just disappear. i won't know where she is, what she is doing, what she thinks. Well, that won't be that much different from now, since i can't say with any truth that I know what she thinks about cause she just doesn't tell me.and when she does tell me something and i give her my take on it, she just gets mad. it's hard. i don't know how to salvage these last few months of her senior year. any advice much appreciated, thank you. send comments to