What to do with a Daughter

What do you do when you realize you and your daughter get along as badly as you and your Mom do? that's a big reality to face. it hurts. i see it every day with my seventeen year old. Every day i know what I face as she turns eighteen: she will just disappear. i won't know where she is, what she is doing, what she thinks. Well, that won't be that much different from now, since i can't say with any truth that I know what she thinks about cause she just doesn't tell me.and when she does tell me something and i give her my take on it, she just gets mad. it's hard. i don't know how to salvage these last few months of her senior year. any advice much appreciated, thank you. send comments to annetibbitts@usa.net

The Grandma Trenkle Trap

what do you do when you think about something all the time but can't get up the nerve or find the right time to bring it up? I am not the only woman who goes through this process. But I am aware of the consequences of keeping something you need to talk about or know about all to yourself. What can happen is that in your mind you start to make decisions and assumptions about what's going on when in fact you don't even have all the necessary information to do that. My Grandma Trenkle used to be like that with her family. She'd start slamming cabinet doors and I'd know something was wrong but when I'd ask her the proverbial "nothing" was her response. So I walk a fine line right now. I see myself falling into the Grandma Trap in my mind, but not acting it out in person. Yet. That's the operative word. I'm in a new relationship that brings a lot of questions to my mind but mostly i'm keeping them to myself trying to wait it out. If I can just stay steady and not ever get to the point of slamming cabinets.

The Relief of a Weight Lifted

I used to keep a cluttered home. Not because i wanted to, just that i had moved so much that I had all sorts of things and collectibles and photos and important papers stuffed into suitcases and footlockers that i intended to go through but just never did. Well, the day came when I had the inspiration and moral support to go through all this junk so I did. It wasn't easy; it wore me out emotionally.Yesterday I slept all day and night I was so tired from the day before. But now I can sit in a whole new living room. I marvel at a room where when I look at it I don't see a single thing that needs to be moved or gone through. No stacks of old suitcases that supposedly looked "shabby chic." No old sentimental footlockers gracing the floors. No more miscellaneous bags or boxes of my old writings. Everything is in its place and it looks fantastic. I almost don't know what to do with myself sitting in a room like that knowing it's clean and uncluttered and settled. That's why I'm back in my cluttered writing area. Sometimes the relief of a weight lifted is just to heavy to bear.

the old suitcases

i recently threw away some old vintage suitcases i had been using for storage and decoration. i had to look through each and every one, touching old writing, old bills, photographs, drawings, junk like old buttons and some dirty pennies. I got through the mess though, caused by years of packing and moving, packing and moving, and decided to throw out the suitcases all together. Well, my seventeen year old daughter had a fit. which is terribly ironic since she hasn't liked the "martha stewart vintage suitcase" look ever. But she thought someone influenced me to throw them away. i had to set her straight--that wasn't the case! I finally had the moral support, reason, inspiration and physical energy to go through everything and consolidate a bunch of stuff into two Rubbermaid plastic tubs that now hold my life souveniers safely and dry under the house. My daughter's dream is coming true--we're going to have a "real" living room. she just doesn't know much of what it's like to have a dream come true.

Autumn Letter

It's easy to get excited about the fall season. Cool weather, falling leaves, fires, hot coffee on the patio, acorns falling everywhere. There will be hunting and fishing. there will be walks in the woods. there will be days spent with open windows and cool autumn air flowing into the kitchen while homemade cookies bake for ten minutes in a hot oven. there will be time to explore your grandpa's farm with all its mystery, beauty, and good memories for you. There will be jackets and sweaters and a red plaid Vermont snow coat to look forward to. An old green cardigan. Sturdy shoes. Lots of homemade soup and bread. Our first fall season together. Going to the woods and the lakes. fishing poles and guns. Homemade sandwiches and a thermos full of hot coffee. the memory of wearing orange a distant thought far away. Birds will flock to the feeder, rabbits will jump to the sound of your feet in the woods, water will trickle just to delight your senses. there will be rainy cool afternoons spent under the quilts, talking. there will be snow to wait for!
This will be an Autumn of Great Love!!! Thank you in advance...

Idea City!!!

Ideas come to me like lightbulbs turning on all day long. It wears me out. I love to feel creative, don't get me wrong; but when ideas come faster than what you can possibly do with them that's when things get tough. I've got a new idea for yet ANother book I want to write called The Trailer Diaries about two bi-polar mothers who forge a close friendship. I have all the raw material necessary to write the book, but the thought of dredging through old memories and experiences just wears me out. It's a necessary book, though, because there's not one like it on the market already; I've done some research and discovered that much. So let's see what I can get going on that new idea this week. At least i can try.

love glows

i love fried poataoes and rain on a winter tin roof. Cats are good too, and so is love. Life with love in it takes on a whole new meaning. Everything shines. Everything glows. The sky looks huge like a full moon and rain feels like snowflakes in spring. Love is like a melted snowman in february, a new batch of homemade cookies, a fresh pot of coffee. i love love. do you?

at a loss for ideas

at a loss for ideas. umbrellas and fried potatoes. too many random unconnected thoughts. the beginning of a new book that just went flat cause a couple people said they didn't like it. bad coffee. watching tv re-runs.waiting for a new life to begin on saturday. bills to pay and where will the money all come from worries even at the beginning of the month. unpublished poems everywhere and half started novels. my favorite color used to be orange, now I just feel blue.

The Difference A Garage Makes

I was thinking about garages last night, and how they come in all shapes and sizes. Even a carport would be nice. I have never lived anywhere with a garage. Now maybe that seems unremarkable, but since I am now 48 years old, I have to look back over my life and ask "Why?" Why have I never lived in a place with a garage? Garages afford a private place to do laundry, work on the car, store the artificial Christmas tree...store the recyclables, have a sale! Garages seem to be success symbols to my eyes. People who have garages are protected from the weather when going to and from their car. People who have garages, especially attached ones, live a strangely luxurious life, I think. I hope by the time I am 58, I can look back at this blog entry and say "Well, that was written BEFORE I ever had a garage!!!" Then, i will consider myself to have "arrived."

Mothers and Daughters

Much has already been written about the often stormy relationships between many mothers and daughters. There are self help groups, books, and websites designed to coach mothers through the difficult teenage years, for example, but those too can go out the window when all of a mother's buttons get pushed by her teenage daughter who knows everything. An emotional Catastrophe can take place. Yelling. Crying. Accusing. Blaming. Retracting. Fury and Loathing. Resentment. Gut-wrenching honesty. Explosive family drama doesn't just happen in the movies or in books. It happens every day in a household with a seventeen year old girl and a worried 48 year old mother. What is more frustrating to an experienced 48 year old woman than to have to listen to the rantings of a seventeen year old convinced she knows everything. It's horrible to live through that kind of torment. It truly tears into the hearts of all concerned. It gives you a headache, the kind you get after sobbing for an hour. It gives you courage, the kind you get after discovering some of the truth behind the teenager's comments. It gives you a heartache, the kind you get after a word-fight that cuts to the core and leaves scars even after its supposedly healed. And at what price do these kinds of emotional explosions occur? What toll do they take on all concerned? It's terrible to realize that you are just like your mother: stubborn, unforgiving, blame-filled, and angry. When will these generational atrocities just stop? When can the healing begin? After an emotional catharsis in a family, the only thing to do is laugh, hug, smile, and try to make it as smoothly as possible to the next episode. It's life in a powder keg, this mother daughter stuff is.

Transitions

Transitions get overlooked in our fast-paced society. Taking time to move from one phase of life to another is an important but often overlooked and underrated process. Many people just gloss over the seams that hold the fabric of relationships together. Some relationships are glued together, some pinned, some taped, some sewn, some bound forever. But all relationships involve transitions and the transitions ought to be respected and even revered for their specialness. Take the time to honor transitional periods of life.