friendships...again

It's a Friday of a long, long last couple of weeks. Yesterday i wrote about the emotional disasters of friendships and today i am still living it. I think it's always hard to have a friendship between three women. Unless you are always on three way conference call things get said from one to one to the other and who knows what was REALLY said. So much depends on interpretation and perception. So much depends on how afraid you are of confrontation and conflict, too. I tend to want to avoid it, as most sensible people do, but lately I am in the middle of a bunch of it and i just don't like how that makes me feel. It robs me of my creative edge, my emotional energy and my mood starts to get low. I worry a lot. I fret. I over analyze. I try to make amends when i really don't want to just because i hate the feeling of ill will. It's not easy to break up a "girlfriendship." And why is that? Why is it easier to just leave a guy in the dust but not be able to even start the car to get away from a girlfriend? I know it's not very courageous or even honest to just not answer the phone, but that seems the easiest way in this day and age of "voicemail." Now I am faced with the idea of just taking a breather from the friendship to see what it is that settles after all the dust leaves. I need to understand what my true feelings are in order to take any or no action. But it feels so urgent, so much like I have to know right now exactly what to do....I'll have to continue my analysis and follow my heart, I guess. All I really know is I want to get back to writing poetry and writing my love novel about Lily and Hunter and their school bus life. Those have got to be my priorities....